So Ive kinda been keeping a secret from everybody....
I haven't really wanted to tell anyone yet just because of how things ended up in the past and what not needed to figure things out for myself. I might not be there quite yet but its been a pretty fun ride so far. So in April this year we stopped down at Cove Fort in Utah on our way home from Zions.. which for those of you who don't know where that is don't worry i didn't either. Its this random place off the side of the road between Beaver and Fillmore so i mean yeah its like in the middle of no where.
So kinda interesting i had no idea this had anything to do with the LDS church. I almost for a minute thought this was a trick because when our cute tour guide up there in the background (who BTW still calls and chats with me up to this day :) ) was introducing everything to us come to find out I'm not a member.. so we know how the end of this tour went ha ha. He actually thought Bryce was the non member and gave him the speech and i kinda just hoped Bryce would play along and not say anything. But that's just not my husband so of course he tells him its me. So here i am on the spot in front of everybody staring at me waiting for my answer to whether or not basically the missionaries can come over again...
I'm going to pause the story here and go back in the future now for a minute.
The truth about last year lets start to May 2011 where it began. I went over to my husbands Grandpas house one day and he convinced me that i needed to look into the church so i did. I had hoped it was going to help me be closer to my husband and my in laws. Mainly my husband because i knew he was going to start going back to church and that scared me because i have had an awful history of husbands and wife's being different religions. My parents = not together anymore got divorced when i was 8 and my Dad says alot of it is because that was hard. So lets be honest i wasn't liking where this road was going. So basically I jumped in quick was happy and decided within a month to get baptized and that's where the train wreck began...
Sorry this is going to be a long rambling blog bear with me and i promise I'm not going to bash on the church lol this is just a highlight real of where things came from it gets good in the end i promise.
So basically my mom was upset because i sprang it on her. Which i understand i should have told her sooner shes my mom i shouldn't need to hide things from her. My dad was upset only because he knows Ive grown up as a Jehovah's Witness most of my life and so he thought it was weird i knew within a month that i wanted to change religions. Another point I understand. My Grandma was the worst she will not speak to me again if i change religions. Which is so hard. It really is very hard. My in laws didn't add to it. It turned into a train wreck with them over it. So i cancelled i couldn't handle it it wasn't worth it to me so i canceled it.
Now back to April... I'm in that moment.
I said yes. Most of it was everyone was watching a little of it was that i wanted to again so i said yes. So since then i have been looking into it again. My main missionary i have had since then just got transferred so now i have two brand new ones. I'm sure they will be great its just been rough because we really liked the one we had before. The first two together were perfect but as you know with transfers they come and go so since then My main missionary has had i think its up to 4 new companions and now we have two brand new ones so I'm having a hard time adjusting. I can't commit to any baptism dates anytime soon which i know everyone says pray pray pray but its just not working it doesn't feel right yet. I'm happy looking into it and Ive learned more then ever about the church finally because I'm being honest and asking alot of questions but its just not right quite yet. So please if anyone has any advice please share i need it. I'm so confused about where i should be going with all this I'm scared to make any decisions. Part of me feels that i should just stay away from religion period. Part of me feels there is something more to life. That being heaven or staying on earth. I know there is a God out there. Theres no doubt about that in my mind. I'm lost i don't know what to do. I'm at a standstill.
So that's my secret and if anybody at all has any advice please share it with me because i definitely need it :)
Hey Allie - I say don't set a date until YOU know it is true. You need to keep asking those questions. Don't let anyone pressure you into getting into that water. You know I know it is true, I did what those missionaries did. Take baby steps, you don't eat a whale in one bite. You eat a whale one bite at a time.
ReplyDeleteYou could always look at other religions too, that way you can know if you want religion in your life. That is the easiest way to see what if different and if religion is really needed. If you have any questions you know I am more than willing to answer them!
Thanks Shaun i appreciate it!! :) We need to get together soon again! Did you end up moving up here?
DeleteMy sweet Allie, I admire you so much. (And not because you're contemplating about joining the church) ;) But becuase I know you to be a beautiful, kind, and amazing person. While I have grown up in the church, I feel like I don't have any advice to give you. I only have my OWN testimony of the gospel, and I can tell you that I know for myself that it is true. (Not because I grew up in the gospel, but because I saught for the answer myself) I don't know what I'd do without the gospel in my life, and the mere knowledge that I have that my family will always be together... always, for ALL eternity. Because they are what truly matter most to me in my life. :) Heavenly Father has been my greatest strength to me in so many challenges in my life. So many little miracles, that have let me know the truth of the gospel, and Heavenly Father's love for me, and all his children.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine the difficulities you are facing right now. The fact that your grandmother won't ever talk to you again if you are baptized makes my heart hurt for you. :( That's not an easy disicion to make... I guess my advice to you would to be to look at the bigger picture... the large scale of things... the eternity's. :) I know there IS life after this earthly experience, and we can recieve the most beautiful blessings both here on this earth, and after, if we seek to know and live the gospel. The gospel is not an easy thing to live by, but what is in this life? We will always be faced with trials and hardships... but I can tell you those hard times are so much easier to go through and endure when you have the knowledge of the gospel, the power of prayer, and preisthood blessings. :) I pray that you may find the answers you're seeking for. And whatever your decision is, we are SO thrilled to have you in this big crazy family of ours, and a part of our lives. You have touched me more than once since I have met you. As cheesy as it sounds, you, my dear, have been one of my blessings in my life. I look up to you and the amazing things you have accomplished! You are awesome!! Love you bunches,
Cherie Gailey
Thanks Cherie your so sweet i appreciate it :)
DeleteDear Allie...
ReplyDeleteLots of things came to my mind as I read your post today...
First of all, you need to know that I think of you as such a strong and beautiful person.
I am so proud of you for beginning this journey to find out for yourself what is true...the world is so loud and definitely full of so many different voices and opinions. But none of those matter except the one that is inside of you. Heavenly Father knows you and knows your heart and will truly help you to know what is true.
I know that each of us are beloved sons and daughters of God and that he loves us so much. He sent us here to earth with the gift of agency and the freedom to choose. I choose to live and be a part of the gospel of Jesus Christ so that I can be happy and live with my husband and children and sweet family for eternity. Since I have become a mother, living the gospel has brought on new meaning to me as well. I have always had a testimony, though it started out small...but as I have had children and realized that I needed to know exactly what I really believed so that I could teach each of them, I found out for myself that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only true church here on the earth, and that Heavenly Father loves me so much and He wants all of us to be together again someday. I do not know everything that there is to know... I just know that every time I pray, or go to the temple, or see the light in my little ones eyes, or feel the loving embrace of my sweet husband, those are things that are so important to me...they feel so right and I never want to let them go.
In the scriptures it says that faith is like a little seed and if it is planted it WILL grow. Even if right now it is only a small seed for you, it is definitely planted, and if you continue searching for that truth, your testimony will grow and Heavenly Father will tell you in your heart and in your mind what you should do.
We all love you Allie...you and Bryce. You guys are an amazing part of this family and we will always be here to love and support you in all of the decisions that you have to make. Even when you postponed your baptism...we did not judge you, but were only proud of you for wanting to do what is right. You can do it Allie. Stay close to Heavenly Father and always let Him know what is in your heart. Stay close to Bryce too. He is your best friend and loves you so much and will be a strength to you as well.
If you ever have questions or want someone to talk to, or even just someone to listen...I will be here! :) I love you to pieces Allie and will keep you in my prayers.
Lots of love, Susette
Thanks Susette i appreciate it :) your so great!
DeleteAlli,
ReplyDeleteYou and I should talk about this together being that both are stories are real similar! I to had a date set a year or so ago but decided that I was not ready and I need to know more about the church. Brent would like to raise Aubree and Talon in the church which I am completely fine with but I also want to be apart of it. But I also have my second thoughts. I think it is a big step to change religions. I just was asked last week if i was ready to be baptized but still to this day I'm still not sure! There so much i believe in this church but there are other things I disagree with. Plus I would have to do a few lifestyle changes. Its a lot to take in and a lot to think about. The missionaries are great with answering all my crazy questions(which I also don't like to change missionaries ;-b) But if you ever need to talk to me about it your always welcome. Sometimes it easier to talk to someone who is not a member and learning about the church then it is talking to a member!
That all totally sounds just like me :). I agree it definitely is easier to talk to people in my boat :). Thanks!
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